Photo credit: iStockPhoto
|Change this week: +1|
Total change: -12
Pounds to goal: 8
Non-smoking weeks count: 6
Miles this week: 4
Food and Exercise
Bad bad bad this week. There was peanut butter off the spoon, cinnamon toast, an entire package of rice cakes in one sitting. And there was very little moving - several days without exercising at all. See below..
Notes and thoughts
I'm on the upswing of what (so far) is the worst bout of depression I have ever been through. I went to see my doctor and we're playing the balance the meds game, which is helping me. I am out of bed and not constantly stuffing my face, anyway.
You know, I used to be ashamed to say what's wrong with me when these episodes happen. I've always claimed I have migraines because that seems more socially acceptable that I'm really, really sad for no good reason. It might be hormonal, I don't know. Something is wrong with me though and my medication is no longer cutting the mustard.
It's not really like that anymore. I don't know if it's because I'm older, because I work at a different sort of place now, because depression is a more socially acceptable now, or some combination. The end result is that I tell the truth. So sorry I had to call off work - I couldn't get out of bed. I was barely able to put pants on before I left the house to go to the doctor and I crawled right back into be as soon as I got home. I couldn't write or read or knit. All I could do was lay there, cry, and watch stuff on Netflix.
I'm now on two different anti-depressants. Not sure if it will stay this way. I sort of hope not. The add-on has side effects that I really am not keen on - I itch, I'm not sleeping as well as I should, my stomach is churning, and I have a little headache that never really goes away. I have an appointment next week with my gynecologist because my primary care thinks the way these dips are cycling is indicative of some sort of hormonal imbalance. I don't know what it is. All I know for now is I can get out of bed, I can wash dishes, I can eat something that contains neither bread nor peanut butter. Therefore, I am doing better.
And I'm not worried at all about a number on a scale right now. What concerns me? Making it through this slump without going back to smoking. Doing my job in a way that doesn't case any lasting damage while I'm still not feeling quite 100%. Making sure my boyfriend knows that when I lash out, it's this mood that has me in its grip and not me lashing (even though I know I am hurting him - I hope like hell he understands and can keep being patient with me). I guess my goal for now is to keep myself together.
We shall see what next week brings.